I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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