Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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