he looks like a really good dad on facebook
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
