Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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