I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
