I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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