So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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