I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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