this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
