If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
