woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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