worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Please don't give away my fajitas
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
