we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
