i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Randomize
