I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
