I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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