Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
