I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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