theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
