There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
