my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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