I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
We are all done wearing pants today
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
