My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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