my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
