I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
