I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
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