Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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