He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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