I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You may now shotgun with the bride
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Who died my cat blue again?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
