One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
