White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
