So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
