Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
