i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
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