I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
