She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
ugly people sure do ruin things
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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