Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
