420 ftw
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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