I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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