my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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