she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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