Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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