He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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