So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
