I hope mine doesn't look like that
You smell like stripper and shame
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
