Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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