there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
