I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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