grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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