ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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