I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
