i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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