You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
