I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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