i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize