I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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