Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
