The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
