When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
