Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
