I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
