I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
