He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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