shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
