all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
