Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Randomize
