You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
