I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
