Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
