"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
