If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
