Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
