I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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