she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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