So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize