Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
