There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
