just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
