Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
third nipple confirmed
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize