So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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