I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Randomize
