Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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