Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
