idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
