I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
