I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
