Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
