When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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