sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Can't talk, ducks in the car
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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