Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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