capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize